random thoughts

I've been meaning to write about the Massachusetts concept of roads for a while, but really just didn't get around to it. Mostly because it's difficult to type while driving, which is generally when I think of these things. And there's not really any pictures, because photos and driving don't really mesh well. So I've thrown in some photos for interest. They have NOTHING to do with the writing, but they break it up so it looks like a lot less work to read through. Bet you'll like how I did that!

These are mushrooms. See - easier already!!!!

Early Settlers

A long time ago there were some settlers. One day one of them decided to go to another village, and some trees were cut down on the way to the village. Sometimes they didn't really know where the village might be and the path meandered around a lot before getting there. Eventually someone rode a horse the same way, and eventually the path was big enough to drive a horse-cart between various villages. They called these large paths "roads". Roads need names, and villagers (generally depicted as covered in some random dirt wearing funny caps and long skirts/baggy trousers) are not known for their creativity. As opposed to our "Weeping Willow Drive" options, they decided to keep things simple. Main street for example. North Road, South Road and such were popular. Every village had one of all of these, which was handy. Everyone knew these main roads, so they never needed signs. They did put signs on the little random cart tracks that no one ever used, just to make them feel better about the fact that they were so poorly travelled that people didn't even know their names.

Me, looking for a road (from the top of the Gunks cliff-face)

Along came more people, and the villages and roads grew. But somehow no one ever thought things like "Boy, I think more people might come along. We should stop just randomly connecting shit together and maybe not have a Main Street that connects to South Road followed by a merge with East Road. Or "We should consider moving that 10 foot rock rather than just meander around it. " The road connections were pretty random too, which no one thought much of. No one bothered with road signs on any of the well-travelled roads either, because obviously you know where you are. DUH!









Welcome to 2016, where to get from A to B you might drive Main Street which turns into Green Avenue, then turns into North Road which then T's into South Road. Turn left, and immediately (by immediately, I mean 10 feet later) turn right to continue in what for the sake of 10 feet would have been a straight line. My favourite Massachusetts driving trick is stopping at a stop sign, dodging cars on a road (generally this has to be a fairly blind intersection in keeping with proper tradition) and driving 20 feet to another stop sign which makes you wait in a little island of road big enough for 1 or 2 cars tucked tightly behind each other, before turning onto the next street.

This has nothing whatsoever to do with anything else in this rambling story

Someone apparently thought they'd help by building the ever-popular traffic circle. I like traffic circles, especially since they built one in Courtenay and then promptly arrested several naked teenagers dancing around it in the middle of the night. So I always thought they were kind of intriguing. As in "I'm intrigued with the relative speed of naked person vs. (presumably) fully-clothed and maybe somewhat less-motivated policeman." Massachusetts traffic circles are generally designed by 6 year olds.

So as I was driving today I was thinking about how my phone GPS has saved me on countless occasions, as well as thinking many other poorly connected thoughts. I live in a well-founded fear that the battery or connection will give out and I will be stranded literally in the middle of nowhere with not a clue how to get home. This did happen on my way to pick Marc up in Boston at the bus station, and it's not funny yet. Maybe in a few years.

Pippa after she got into the dog food cupboard. Should probably have gone to the vet with her. 

I also thought other things about cars while driving. I do think about bikes while cycling, so that's fair. I thought at how odd the American politics are at the moment. Marc tried to help me understand that there are just a lot of American people that feel that they are not considered worth even considering by the "usual" politicians. Which I understand. I came up with the "what would ___ do? question. Specifically, if ____  was on a deserted stretch of road, and no one would find out, what would they do if they ran you over?

I think Hilary Clinton would probably keep going. I could understand how it would be hard to vote for someone that would most likely hit the gas and leave you for dead.

I believe that Trudeau would stop and likely call for help, which makes me feel pretty warm and fuzzy.

Harper would probably check my wallet for money, take the wedding ring and consider the gold tooth, which explains how I feel about him.

My disconnect with the Trump supporters is how they suppose he will react in this situation. Like a lot of Trump supporters, I also believe he would ask his driver to stop the car. The disconnect is where I believe he would then back over me, get out, grab me by the p***y and kick me out of the country. Bein' left fer dead don't seem so bad now, do it?

Monsters under the Bed

Where was I? Oh yes, driving along the road rambling about whatever happened to pop into my head. And listening to the cell phone lady's directions. The phone lady is a pretty constant chatty voice while I drive, and I feel that we could try to develop a bit of a rapport.  Since I spend so much time listening to her, I was wondering if google could make her a bit more personable.  How about a touch of gratitude? "Nicely done! I didn't think when I said 'use the left lane to exit onto Main Street' that you had ANY chance of actually crossing 5 lanes of Massachusetts interstate traffic and getting to the left lane in those few seconds!"

Small horse selfie. Probably taken by a settler

Or maybe for a touch of humanity, some authentic reaction when she tells me to go left and I continue straight // turn left on the road that intersects at the same spot but runs slightly more left // turn right because I never really got the right/left thing down? Sometimes I feel that the phone does skip a beat and I think that I can detect a small sigh in her voice. But what if she did just come out and actually say "I'm so sorry, I meant LEFT, as in ON THE LEFT, or TURN TO THE LEFT, not the direction that you went, which is RIGHT." Or, after a big exasperated sigh she could say "I have no idea why I keep bothering with directions when you obviously have no intention of following them?".



How hard would it be to have a little sensor that lets her talk back when I start to yell at her? It would be such a more realistic interaction to have her respond when I yell "SHUT UP AND STOP NAGGING I'M JUST GETTING SOME GAS" rather than repeating the interminable "turn left to continue on route 9 for 4 miles...." over and over. But just as I was pondering these very important questions I was advised 3 times to "use the right lane to turn left onto Research Drive" at the last stop sign, and I arrived safely back home, having no idea where I've actually travelled.

Which means it's time for some food and more studying. Did you know you have a pre-Bötzinger complex? Don't sell it on ebay, you need it.